How Childhood Trauma Leads to Perfectionism and Poor Work Boundaries in Adulthood
In today’s fast-paced world, being a high achiever or perfectionist at work is often praised and rewarded. However, for some people, this drive to excel can be a response to past trauma. This trauma response can lead to poor boundaries at work, feeling like you always have to prove yourself, and always thinking about work. In this blog, we will explore how childhood trauma can shape boundaries at work and how they impact your life.
Understanding Trauma Responses
Trauma can come from various experiences, such as childhood neglect, abuse, or any situation where you feel unsafe or powerless. To cope with these difficult experiences, you develop certain behaviors and mindsets. One common symptom of trauma is becoming a high achiever or perfectionist. When you're hurt or scared as a child, you might start to believe that being perfect is the only way to avoid more pain or disappointment. This can make you hard on yourself and lead to perfectionism. As a result, you might set high standards for everything you do. You struggle with poor work boundaries, working too much, and not taking care of yourself. This might sound positive, but it often comes with harmful habits, particularly at work.
High Achievement as a Trauma Response
When you use perfectionism as a way to cope with trauma, you might:
Seek constant validation: Because of past experiences, you might feel you are never good enough and need to prove your worth.
Fear of failure: Failure can trigger feelings of inadequacy and fear of judgment, leading you to avoid it at all costs.
Need for control: Excelling at work can give a sense of control that was missing in traumatic situations.
Poor Boundaries at Work
If you are a high achiever or perfectionist due to trauma, you often have poor boundaries at work. Here are some common behaviors you might experience:
Not Taking Breaks: You might skip lunch or work through breaks to get more done. This can lead to burnout and stress because the body and mind need regular rest to function well. For example, you never take lunch breaks and often work late into the evening. You believe if you stop, you will be seen as lazy or not dedicated enough. This leads you to feel constantly tired and stressed.
Not Using PTO: Despite having paid time off, you might avoid taking vacations or sick days, fearing you will fall behind or be seen as less dedicated. This can lead to physical and mental exhaustion.
Feeling Like You Have to Prove Yourself: Constantly seeking approval from bosses and colleagues can be exhausting. This might mean taking on more projects than you can handle or working long hours to show you are capable.
Checking Work Email Immediately After Waking Up: Starting the day with work emails can set a stressful tone for the rest of the day. It blurs the line between personal time and work time, making it hard to relax.
Always Thinking About Work: Even during personal time, your mind is occupied with work-related thoughts. This can turn into intrusive thoughts. This constant focus on work can interfere with relationships and personal well-being.
The Impact of Poor Boundaries
Having poor work boundaries can have several negative effects:
Burnout: Constantly pushing yourself without adequate rest leads to physical and emotional exhaustion, making it hard to perform well at work or enjoy personal time.
Stress and Anxiety: The pressure to always excel can increase symptoms of stress and anxiety, affecting overall health and well-being.
Strained Relationships: Poor boundaries at work can take time away from family and friends, causing relationships to suffer.
Decreased Productivity: Ironically, overworking can lead to decreased productivity. When you’re exhausted and stressed, you’re less effective at your job.
How to Set Better Boundaries
Recognizing that your perfectionism might be a trauma response is the first step towards change. Here are some strategies to set better boundaries at work:
Designate Times to Check Emails: Instead of checking emails first thing in the morning or continuously throughout the day, designate specific times to check and respond to emails. This can reduce stress and help maintain focus.
Take Regular Breaks: Schedule regular breaks during your workday. Even a short walk or a few minutes of relaxation can help recharge your energy and improve focus.
Use Your PTO: Plan your vacations and take your paid time off. Rest and relaxation are crucial for maintaining long-term productivity and health.
Set Limits on Work Hours: Establish a clear end to your workday. Avoid working late into the night or during weekends. Protect your personal time.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help you stay present and reduce anxiety. This can prevent thoughts about work from dominating your personal time.
Seek Support: Talk to a trauma therapist in Detroit or Ann Arbor, MI about your experiences and feelings. Professional support can help you understand the root of your behavior and develop healthier coping skills.
Communicate Boundaries: Let your colleagues and supervisors know about your boundaries. For example, inform them that you won’t be available for emails after a certain time. Clear communication can help others respect your limits.
Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. This could be celebrating when you check off an item from your to-do list or end work on time! Recognizing your efforts can boost self-esteem and reduce the need for constant external validation.
Start Trauma Therapy in Detroit, Michigan
Being a high achiever can be a positive trait, but when it stems from a trauma response, it often comes with unhealthy behaviors and poor boundaries at work. Recognizing these patterns is essential for making changes that support your well-being. If you want to learn more about your trauma responses and ways to engage in healthier responses at Embodied Wellness, PLLC has trained trauma therapists to support you! Our therapists are experts in different trauma treatments such as EMDR, Somatic therapy , Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, and DBT for trauma. To start trauma therapy at Embodied Wellness, PLLC follow these steps:
Be matched with one of our trauma therapists.
Learn how to identify and cope with trauma triggers.
Other Online Counseling Services in Michigan
At Embodied Wellness, PLLC we offer a variety of holistic treatment services for adults and teens with anxiety, depression, and OCD. We also specialize in CBT, ERP, Empath Counseling, and Spanish Therapy. We offer online therapy in Michigan. Start overcoming your trauma today by visiting our Detroit-based practice.
About the Author:
Sarah Rollins, LMSW, SEP is the founder of Embodied Wellness, PLLC, a group therapy practice providing online therapy in Michigan. She is passionate about expanding awareness of somatic therapy as a way to treat and heal trauma. She incorporates other holistic treatments into her practice including EMDR and IFS.